It occurred to me the other day that I ought to compile a list of the ways not to make coffee. I think I've found all of them, but you never know:
1. Assemble all ingredients in the proper places, but fail to turn on the coffee maker. This produces what is known as Zen coffee - the coffee that is not. It is the sound of one hand holding an empty cup, and does not bring peace.
2. Add coffee, but fail to add water. This produces a very dry coffee otherwise known as air, with a subtle aftertaste coffee connossieurs usually call "disappointing."
3. Add water, but fail to add coffee. This produces a very weak coffee, otherwise known as water. See #2 above.
Last but not least...
4. You would think I have reached the limits of the ways to not make coffee, but here is one more: floor coffee. This occurs when the coffeemaker is in a dark corner, and the lid of one's coffeecup is black. You think the cup is empty, you begin to pour, and then there is great wailing and gnashing of teeth, and you have made floor coffee. This affords your family great amusement.
Nowadays when I approach my coffeemaker in the morning, I do so with some trepidation, for I know it is smarter than I am. And I have a feeling I have more lessons to learn about how to not make coffee.